sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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