I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
