so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
