i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
