there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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