Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
