Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
