So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
