I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
