I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
