I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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