Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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