he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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