Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
