What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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