Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
