Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
