you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my shit smells like andre
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
