Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
