Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
