i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
These tits shall not be calmed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
