The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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