hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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