If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
