a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
