Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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