He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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