If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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