i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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