Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
