i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
