C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
