Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
