Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
