she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
