I have demons in me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
