She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
