FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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