Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
