I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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