I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
