guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
