You're my little dorito
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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