Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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