Can i not drive my cunt home
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
