i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
