I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
