We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
