No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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