You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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