last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
