Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
