I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
