we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bring me that man meat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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